On one of the video podcasts I watch last week, they had a viewer email that posed the following scenario:
You are in a mall when zombies attack, you have the following:
1). A weapon
2). A song blaring on the PA system
3). A famous person to fight along side you
What do you choose?
I’ve put some thought into this and here is my answer:
Weapon
In zombie movies, inducing severe trauma to the head is commonly accepted as the to “kill” a zombie. This includes beating it about the head, severing the head, or shooting the head. While using a weapon like a sword, axe, or baseball bat seems to be the most efficient way of dispensing of zombies, there are 2 problems with this method.
- Melee (Hand-to-hand) combat takes physical endurance, eventually you’ll get tired against a tireless opponent.
- To get in close enough to use your weapon, you expose yourself to being attacked by the zombie. Which opens you to being bitten (which is how one becomes infected and in turn becomes a zombie).
In these movies, pistols and rifles seem to be slightly less effective than a shotgun. Rifles and pistols tend to be quicker to fire and quicker to reload. Rifles are also accurate for some distance, but unwieldy at close range. A carbine (something like an M-16) would be ideal for both point-blank and long distance combat, however it would take a few well placed shots to the head for each zombie. Shotguns, though “slow” to fire and slow to reload, are the most effective firearm to use. They cause a great deal of damage (especially at close range) and don’t need a great deal of accuracy to hit the target. Because of this, I would choose the Franchi SPAS-15 Shotgun. It takes all the positives of both a shotgun and an assault rifle with none of the negatives. It is semi-automatic, magazine fed, and bolt action. This means an increased firing rate and quicker reload (4 rounds/sec, 5 sec magazine change). Plus, once your run out of ammo you can always use it as a club.
Music
This was particularly difficult, because every song I thought of I was pretty sure I’d get sick of after like 3 repeats. So the stipulations I came up with for this one were that it had to be a longer song (longer time interval until the song started over), have good flow (as in you can listen to it without noticing it or notice it restarting), and be at least mildly invigorating (the other two were much more important to me). This left me one obvious choice: Amarok by Mike Oldfield. Its a 60 minute song with slap bass, nonsensical lyrics, drums, and weird noises all over the places. It is a song that is very easy to ignore, or just groove to.
Person
The guys from TRS pulled out fictional people, which I think is cheating because you could say something like Alice from Resident Evil since she’s designed for dealing with zombies, or River Tam from Firefly for the same reason, or Robocop because he can’t get infected (now that I think about it, his gun would be pretty sweet to have to fight the zombies with). But I thought of real famous people I’d want fighting with me. Most of the people that came to mind were people that would either be not as bad ass as the characters they play, or bad ass at close combat and thus worthless to me. Then my memory clicked and I remembered something… when Angelina Jolie does a movie, she goes through the most rigorous training she can and as much of it as she can to prepare for a part. In Tomb Raider, for example, she trained with the SAS to get a good grasp on martial arts and weapons handling. So not only would I have a competent zombie killing partner, I’d also have a sexy woman with me too. Which would make the whole “Everyone is dead or a zombie and we’re all going to die” undertone of the situation a whole lot easier to swallow.